Sometimes, when it seems I’ll never change my life or my weight, I get a little glimmer of hope.  A tiny victory in a fat struggle. This was a good week for small victories.

A few weeks ago I made this Broccoli Quinoa Salad. I knew the salad was a risk for me as I’m still working on broccoli, but like the recipe creator Olena I’ve found I can tolerate broccoli better after my food processor cuts it into tiny, tiny pieces. So I tried the recipe, and YUCK it was awful. A big mouthful of cloying chlorophyll. To my dismay the recipe made a ton of salad, so I had lots of leftovers to deal with. It all went into ziplock bags in the freezer. In the back of my mind I was thinking I’d probably throw it out in six months, because YUCK.

But then I bought grocery store pico de gallo. My recipe only needed a little bit of pico, so I had 3/4 of a container left over. I decided to use half the leftovers to make quesadillas.

After thawing out the salad, I added it to the tortilla along with the pico and some cheese. I made one, just to try it before making a big batch that probably would be uneaten for six months before ending up in the trash can. I took a bite, not expecting much, and felt my eyes widen in wonder.  I ate it, did a few dance steps, and made another, eating both at the kitchen counter. The cheese and tortilla evened out the huge taste of green from the salad, and the jalapeno loaned the whole mix a “party on, dude!” vibe. Then I made six more, cut them in half, and froze them. Last night I reheated one, and ate it as a side dish to a big salad. WOW. Almost as good as the first night.

Admittedly it isn’t the healthiest thing I could eat, not with the tortillas and cheese. But it’s something I’ll eat, and it’s healthier than Whataburger. (Not like that’s hard.) More importantly, I’ve scheduled it into Plan to Eat to make again in May.

My second victory is a byproduct of shopping at HEB. I’ve found if I shop late on Thursday evening I can catch some pretty decent markdowns on pre-cut produce. This week I found a small snack pack of carrots, cheese, pretzels, and grapes for a dollar. I picked it up, thinking I could force myself to eat the carrots while enjoying the rest of the box. But damn! The carrots were the best thing in the box. Carrots. Those crunchy, flavorless orange things I tolerate but don’t enjoy. They were great. I’m a little shocked. The only other time I’ve enjoyed eating carrots was when I roasted some then tossed them in a harissa glaze. I thought the roasting and harissa were the magic, but now I’m wondering if the carrots themselves contributed. I’ll have to try that recipe again.

This week has provided much-needed proof that my diet is changing, although it’s changing slowly. Most people wouldn’t even notice, but I notice. One day I’ll feel the difference, and all this work will pay off.

Over the past three weeks I’ve voluntarily put myself in a highly stressful situation. Seriously stressful, like crying in public or staying up all hours because I’m too pissed to sleep.

I gained back five pounds, made myself physically ill, and in the process learned a little more about my stress eating.

In the past I’ve felt stress leads me to make poor food choices, which is true. But now I’ve realized the poor choices follow on the heels of another behavior. Before making a poor food choice I always fail to cook. And that one failure cascades into the Whataburger drive-through before I can say “french fries.”

My habit loop didn’t look the way I thought it did! I thought my cue was that point where I picked up my keys to head out the door to Double Dave’s for pepperoni rolls. The routine was eating, and the reward was the “I’m treating myself” mentality.  I was close, but the cue is further back. The real underlying cause is depression, of course, but the the cue that triggers fast food is the decision to not cook.

So, following current research on habits, I need to change the behavior. Once I’ve decided not to cook I need to find a different way to make myself feel better.

Since I do still need to eat, I’ll try to reheat something in the freezer, or barring that I’ll go to the store (hopefully Farm Patch, where the danger of junk food is reduced) and grab non-cook foods, like fruit, whole-grain crackers, and cheese. Maybe a chicken. I’ll also buy a new book if I can avoid the junk food. That will be a great non-calorie reward that will hopefully keep me away from the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

I obviously need to continue to look for ways to break free of the underlying depression, but until that happens changing the fast-food habit would be a huge win.